It is finally the last day of school. A year of pivoting …. virtual learning, then “let’s go in person”, then “no let’s go home”, then “OK let’s return”. Of ups and downs and confusion and trying hard and questions and so many different things. But we are finally made it, thank goodness. some days I felt as though we were body crawling to the finish line.
For some strange reason I find myself tearful as I drop off my soon to be third grader at school for his very last half a day. Having spent the last week in times of fun like every last week of school is for elementary kids. But why the tears? I guess it’s because I know that the last year and a half hasn’t been with any of us would’ve wanted for our children in someways. And for others it was times of pulling families closer together and learning how to get along with siblings and your spouse while being confined to the ever shrinking quarters of your home no matter how large it is. Perhaps I am heavy hearted with the thought of this last child who will finish the second grade. For the finish the seventh grade. Or that my firstborn son will become a senior which means he is on the threshold of becoming an adult. And my firstborn is becoming an adult faster than I can believe. Not that I am losing my children because they cannot stay children forever, but so many changes and so many unknowns on the horizon make me long for the days of diapers, bottles, and bouncy seats.
My friend told me this morning she was glad to be getting her dining room back which has been taken over by school and craft projects. My house has been in disarray for months as I attempted to set up an elementary classroom in our front hallway so that both dad and I could continue to work full-time, while pretending we knew something about providing an education to our children. We built a desk into our upstairs area for a study space, and unfortunately my highschooler has spent much of his time doing virtual “learning“ from his bed. None of this ideal for our learning styles. Needless to say, it has been determined that my kids are better taught by those who chose the profession. I have a tremendous inability to have patience, to understand trigonometry, and to explain the basics of the seemingly ever-changing solar system. Give me an art project, and English paper and I’m good to roll. But all of these other mind blowing knowledge musts are way more than my Mama brain can handle. And what to do about the glue grease that now covers my hallway from the “non-permanent” sticky balls that held up the word wall words. Why do they market these things as temporary when you remove them and they either rip the paint and plaster from the wall or they leave behind a glob of grease? But that’s another blog.
Yesterday I realized that our traditional end of the year water attack on the kids as they left their buses wasn’t going to happen. Because so many of the kids in the neighborhood are virtual, or walking, or car riding to school … the annual end of the year water attack was not going to happen. Thankfully my neighbors are fabulous and we managed to cobble together an impromptu water blasting to happen today so there will be some sense of normal, perhaps. But who is to say what’s normal anymore? Is it normal to wear a mask? Is it normal to ask to see someone’s vaccine card? Do we go to the beach? Do we go to the mountains? Do we stay home? As we forge our way through this new normal we know that our lives will never return to what they were pre-pandemic. Not to say that they were better than, or worse now. But the nebulous, newness of the return to normal has many people anxious and feeling ungrounded because we aren’t sure which way to go. We aren’t certain what is safe anymore and when we might have our new normal swept out from underneath of us again.
So as I allow my tear filled eyes to feel nostalgic and whatever emotions that I am not currently able to put my finger on. I will look forward to a summer like none ever before. The freedom of a new job that allows me to be the summer mom I have always wanted to be. The excitement of a daily chore list for those children that remain at home. And the always present desire to make sure that my children find happiness wherever they may be. So while we may not know what each moment holds for us, I can sit safely in my sanity knowing that no matter what at least we are all together and can forge our future together.
Congratulations to all those who successfully finished this year, who made their senior year the best they could make it. And for all of those who continue to try to find their way, know that the universe and those that love you will always have your back. this new normal is our new sanity.
Keeping (in)Sanity 