What. Is. That?!
Having recently restarted yet another weight loss journey I was thrilled to get my most recent weigh in results… until I allowed myself to start mentally berating myself breaking down all the excitement I had felt. No sooner had I snapped a picture of what 10 pounds of fat looks like then I was needling myself for not losing more. For having to start over in the first place. For heavens knows what but I am so good at beating myself up that it’s TKO in less than 5 usually.
Why do humans, usually women, do this to ourselves? I have tried so hard to not instill this behavior in our children, so when I had a recent call in tears about the weight gain during COVID I had to ask… “where do I go wrong “? Never having told my child they have to go without because of their weight. Or having called attention to the scale or the clothes or anything. How did this seed of physical insecurity get planted? I want to yank it out but it’s like that rooted weed in your garden that extends for feet if not yards. It snakes and creeps into places where we cannot see it. Until it is this enormous plant in front of us and we question if it’s a flower a vegetation or a weed.
They called Alice in Wonderland a weed when she was with the flowers in the garden. Was it because she was different? Because she had a sense of insecurity that seems to magnetically attract negativity? Or because she was more than a flower but had yet to realize it.
A beautiful person is so much more than the number on the scale or the shape of their face, the length of their legs, the strength of their arms. The sheen of their hair. A beautiful person often times doesn’t even recognize their beauty because it’s well beyond skin deep. But mirrors only give us a reflection of the outside not the energy from within.
Oh to have a magic looking glass that could reflect what others see.
The energy from your smile. The warmth from your heart. The laughter that fills a room that can be singled out by anyone who has heard it before as yours.
Maybe it’s better to see our exterior as a journey that mimics the one we travel within. There are times when we feel fierce and indestructible and conversely times we feel weak and brittle. Perhaps we should lift ourselves and others up by not just making notice of their exterior qualities. Make notice instead of how they make you smile. Or how they fill your soul. Tell them what makes them beautiful beyond their facial features and coiffed hair.
My girls are beautiful amazing people. I don’t see them for their facial structure or their lanky legs. But rather the love they show to others. The caring they have for a stranger. The fierceness in which they believe in something that is right. My boys have hearts of gold. And humor that will make you laugh for days. I’d take these qualities over a pretty face any day.
Kindness will get you just about anywhere. Whereas beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So while I continue on my wellness path to a healthier and lighter me. I do so with the urge to be able to be better to do better. And if I happen to fit into smaller clothes, so be it. But it’s not the size of your pants that matters, it’s the size of your heart.
So in my fury to berate myself, I pause. I take notice of those who love me for me. All of me. And that will help keep my sanity on the scales of life.