I’m an Imposter!

I don’t know at what moment my first born stopped being my little baby girl and became an world recognized adult. I say world recognized because I think as parents some parts of our kids are perpetually frozen in time so they never really seem to grow… they just jump from moment to moment making memories and creating their life story.

My oldest turns 21 today. A right of passage for some, for others just another day. I have always tried to make my childrens birthdays special so they would have those memories. Today I’m flooded with memories of my girl who is seen by all others as an adult. I can still remember her first noises, asking her which name she wanted moments after her birthday “Abigail or Natalie”. I swear she chose. Those late nights of bouncing to noisy music that was probably ultimately an upset tummy not a cry for a dance party. Her dad and I … smh. The first (and only) dance recital. Being so excited each time she learned she was going to be a big sister of another blessing. So many memories. I could fill pages and pages of them.

The common theme of these memories is this kind sweet sensitive soul that existed from moment one. I have watched her love hard and loose painfully. It’s so hard to be there for those growing pains. But each time she has blossomed into an even stronger more beautiful being.

Tonight she FaceTimed me while out with her friends to tell me she wished I was there to celebrate. Me. This grey haired, creaky mama… she wanted me to celebrate with her college friends. “I feel like an imposter “ she said… “I’m not really an adult am I?” No baby girl, in my heart you aren’t either. But she is and she’s doing it well.

I remember when she was a baby being told to appreciate every moment because before you know it, they will be gone. My heart clenched with the thoughts of my children being gone. Or choosing others over us. But that’s growing up. Did I appreciate every moment? Not in the moment sometimes, but now I do. Every late night, every early morning, every soccer game, drama, everything. And I hope we are blessed with many more. Because she’s no imposter, she’s the real deal. She is my sunshine in the rain. The sane in my moments of insanity.

I love you sweet girl. Happy birthday 💜

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